Six.

Today, was horrible. Well not really horrible, but bad enough. My two "best guy friends" were supposed to come hang out and we waited all day for them. We called them, texted them, tried everything to just figure out when they were coming over. We never got a straight answer. They just said "we're coming soon". So finally at 9:30 tonight I called them and they didn't answer, then Jess called them from a number they don't know and they answered. I was pissed. They just made me feel like shit and so unappreciated and it sucks. They are supposed to be my best friends but all they do is lie to me and make me feel like shit. I wish I could just be like, you know what, FUCK YOU. But for some odd reason, I just can't do it. And it totally sucks. I'm so tired of their bullshit. I don't know what to do anymore. But then Jess and I went and got some alcohol and I talked to my love. He's so cute, and I adore him. It sucks though cuz he lives like 2 and 1/2 hours away from me. I hate it. But I talk to him everyday and he calls me and we talk about everything. It's kind of scary though because I know he wants something serious. He's 29 for goodness sakes how could he not want something serious. Don't get me wrong I want something serious too. I've had my fun and now I feel like it's time to settle down and get going with my life. I need to get my school done, and I need to be with someone who will support me while I'm doing my school. Not someone who will support me financially just someone who will respect the fact that I'm trying to get an education so that I can go to college and have a career by the time I'm 25. And my love does understand all that. I want to settle down and be in a serious relationship. I just don't know when, where or who I want to do that with. It's so weird. Plus, lately I've been feeling like I don't really know who I am. And how can someone else love me when I don't even know who I am. I think I just need to take a chill pill, relax, go with the flow, let the chips fall where they may and have fun. Right?