Eight.

I'm home. I don't want to be home. I had such a good time this weekend, and now it just sucks being home. I have to go to sleep by myself, wake up by myself. It just sucks. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I already miss him. I don't want to miss him, but I do. I don't want to be emotionally involved but I am. I just want to go back to Stettler and stay with him forever. I want to go lay in bed and have him hold me and love me. I want to have amazing sex with him and have him kiss me and touch me exactly where he knows I like it. It sucks. I love his little mobile home, and his little doggies, and his little yellow car. Now, I don't even know what's going to happen. I want to be with him so badly, but it's so hard when he lives two and a half hours away from me. Last night we had this conversation because I was all upset. I was just worried about what was going to happen when I came home. He told me everything was going to be ok, and we'd figure it out. He's not home right now, which makes me worry. I know he was going to see his friend after he dropped me off at the bus station. So what if he's with her right now, having a better time then he had with me? I met his parents for fucks sakes. And I got along with them pretty well if you ask me. His mom is so cute, and his dad is so nice. It kills me not to know where this is going. If anywhere. I know I'm just going to get hurt again, and that's what sucks the most. I don't think it's going to work out the way I want it too. I told myself when he came down for my birthday that it was just sex and nothing more, but it's turned in to something so much more then that. Like last night when he kissed me, he really kissed me. It wasn't just one of those "I'm going to kiss you because you want me to", it was a "I'm going to kiss you because I want, because I need to". I just want to know that everything is going to be alright. That I'm going to make it through this no matter which way it goes. He called me baby yesterday, he doesn't call anyone baby unless he really cares about someone. AND I met his parents! I mean come on, how much more do I have to do for him to be like, ok let's date. If he asked me to be with him, and move to Stettler and live with him, I would. All he needs to do is ask me and I would do it. Not because I'm like crazy in love with him or anything, but because I think it would be worth it in the end. Who knows what'll happen. I just want him to come online, and be like "hey cutie, I miss you, when are you coming back?". It's not going to happen though. Ugh. I hate getting emotionally involved. I hate missing him like I do. This sucks.