Nine.

I don't know what's wrong with me. These past few weeks I've been really upset like all the time. All I ever want to do is sit at home, listen to sad music and cry. I don't know what it is, or why it started. It's just happened. I hate it. I haven't been this upset this long since I used to be depressed. I don't want to be depressed. I thought I was past that stage in my life. I guess I'm not. Ugh. This sucks. I want to go somewhere. Actually, if I had one wish right now, I would wish to be with him. I would want to be his girlfriend. Fuck, I feel like I'm 14 again and there's a guy I have this huge crush on. Except I'm not 14. And I know the difference between a tiny little crush and actually having feelings for someone. Why is this happening to me... Everyday I think about the different things that could happen. The different things I could do, but in the end I know I can't. Maybe I need to go back to where I used to be. Talk things out. Feel normal for an hour of the day. Who knows, I think I'll talk to my mom when she gets home tomorrow and let her know exactly what's going on. This sucks. I just want to go back to when I was ok. To when I was happy.